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dissolves instantly [userpic]

hahahahahahohohohohohehehehehee............

February 18th, 2002 (11:26 am)

Letter from the Penis,

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor,
I work at great depths,
I plunge head first into everything I do,
I do not get weekends or public holidays off,
I work in a damp environment,
I don't get paid overtime,
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation,
I work in high temperatures, and
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You can not work 8 hours straight,
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods,
You do not always follow the orders of the management team,
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations,
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working,
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift,
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing,
You will retire well before you are 65,
You are unable to work double shifts,
You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task,
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Comments

Posted by: Your Grandmother makes Crank in her bathtub (sweet_jcs)
Posted at: February 18th, 2002 02:07 pm (UTC)

LMFAO!!

ya know some workers work extra shifts... and then some of those workers have tongue rings too

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 07:01 pm (UTC)

hmmm... now extra shift, lets define this term as: other time than the 8 hour work period, ok? so that would mean working for 8 hours, then doing more work....

and tongue rings don't count cause they are in the tongue. i believe that would be a different letter to another department

Posted by: Your Grandmother makes Crank in her bathtub (sweet_jcs)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 08:33 pm (UTC)
Re:

guys just can't win can they

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 08:37 pm (UTC)
Re:

oh sure they can :)

Posted by: the mid-doctor (texel)
Posted at: February 18th, 2002 02:33 pm (UTC)

oh come on... you *know* i deserve the raise... so few of those rebuttals actually apply to me :)

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 06:55 pm (UTC)
Re:

"You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift"

nuff said.

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 06:56 pm (UTC)
Re:

actually, now that i reread it there are maybe three or four that don't apply to you. sorry babe

Posted by: the mid-doctor (texel)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 07:42 pm (UTC)

hee hee... well it's a messy occupation, so cleanup goes w/ the territory...

... and thanks for rescinding those which don't apply to me :)

oh, and .:lick:.

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 07:57 pm (UTC)
Re:

:)

Posted by: [e^(i*pi)] + 1 = me (kvschwartz)
Posted at: February 18th, 2002 07:47 pm (UTC)

that 65 thing is obviously [pardon the pun:] fallacious -- Charlie Chaplin, for instance, had kids when he was in his 70s

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 06:50 pm (UTC)
Re:

hey, i didn't make the letter up.

Posted by: Sportster Guy (purpleguy)
Posted at: February 18th, 2002 07:50 pm (UTC)
unemployment?

I must say that my penis has been very deserving and that the letter was very acurate HOWEVER, for the last two months I have been attempting to collect unemployment (while single) and have been denied by every federal agency .. believe me I am ready to put in a full days work, and overtime if necessary .. there just seems to have been a lack of work for the able and competent

although I am sure that my employment status will begin to look up when I get up to seattle

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 19th, 2002 06:49 pm (UTC)
Re: unemployment?

hehehee... well i'm sorry to hear about your unemployment status, and i'm sure you'll find something here since you are "able and competent" :)

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