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dissolves instantly [userpic]

i'm a sucker

February 25th, 2002 (11:38 am)

current mood: aggravated
current song: the cardigans - my favourite game

What is your meaning of life?

"i could love you forever tonight, cause you're just the thing that i need, just to fill the space he left here, just give me all the love that i need for a night, that's enough for a broken heart, cause you're just the thing that i need..." Paul Mac - Just the thing (stephan alkins mix)

so i went and played pool w/brad last night. ya... he kicked my ass, but i pulled out a few good shots. wOOt! the guys got a lot going on, which is good because that will create room for less boredom and more memories/life experiences. i wish i had something i just knew how to do like him. even though it kinda has made him a spot in life, that he may or may not want, at least he's got one. i don't know what i would do if a job was givin to me where i was doing something i was good at, i mean, i wouldn't pass it by... at least i hope i wouldn't. brad just don't lose touch k? cause you're one of those genuine people out there, and i would seriously ponder your whereabouts and existence if we ever lose touch.

in other news: i've entered a very pensive and self analytical stage in my life. i don't know if it's for the better or the worst, but i sure as hell hope it will make me more productive of an individual. because i believe that is one of my largest shortcomings, and i need to find a way to get over that hurdle. i don't always remember being so... detatched, and..... lazy. i used to get things done right away, i used to buzz around... now i just sortof... let things go. i don't care enough about this that and the other thing. and i don't know why. what exaclty happened that made me lose my sensitivity to caring about certain things in my life? and how can i fix it??

i really want to see a shrink. i want help understanding what happened, and what i can do to fix it. i want to fix it. i want to be how i was. i want to know what i feel. exactly what i feel. why is it so hard for me to identify my feelings? anyone else have this problem?

"i'm losing my favourite game, you're losing your mind again, i'm losing my favourite game..."

i know i've posted this before, but i think it adequately fits my feelings right now

so here i sit. wasting my time. i'm so good at that. can't i get hired to sit on my ass and waste time?

fuck this. i'm gonna get off my ass and get some shit done.


Posted by: Timothy P. (imtroubadour)
Posted at: February 25th, 2002 11:52 am (UTC)

Catch me on AOL we can be pensive together... haven't chatted with you in a while anyway... it will be fun!!

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 25th, 2002 12:08 pm (UTC)

ok, i'll try :)

not tonight tho, i'm going to dantes! wOOt!

Posted by: Saturn | Ascends (djuri)
Posted at: February 25th, 2002 03:28 pm (UTC)

Those are the reasons why I wanted to talk to you in real time....I've had many of the same occurances you are having, that self-analytical stage (which im still in). Moving back to LA from Florida brought on a whole new wave of insecurities, and self-questioning. I was depressed for the longest time (mostly over a breakup with a gf) but also because I was going nowhere. My mom ended up forcing me to go to school, something I was not ready to do, and was unable to get motivated to continue. Like you said, you have to go to school for yourself, not because someone else tells you to. Being unmotivated is the story of my life. Ive always been a perfectionist, but as far as seeing things through, I am not always good at doing that. I was in a band for 6 years, and we never got anywhere with it (i played bass for 7 years). We were too lazy to even attempt to get anywhere. Then I picked up DJing...which ive been doing almost the better part of 4 years. Besides for a handful of gigs around the country, I have not much else to show for it. I'd say 65% of the time, im a bedroom dj. I continue it because of my love for the music, but if I had an ounce more of motivation, I would take it further. I just think im too lazy to get very far with it, and its a dark cloud hanging over me. I wish I could deal with it and take djing to the next level, but maybe thats my destiny...? Like I said, i'm still self-analyzing...

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: February 25th, 2002 07:32 pm (UTC)
Re: Unmotivated..

well, i'm usually on invisable on icq... i'm not on a lot... (i think i might be lying) so i'll put you on my visable list.

feel special.

Posted by: Timothy P. (imtroubadour)
Posted at: February 25th, 2002 10:03 pm (UTC)


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