What is your meaning of life?
"i could love you forever tonight, cause you're just the thing that i need, just to fill the space he left here, just give me all the love that i need for a night, that's enough for a broken heart, cause you're just the thing that i need..." Paul Mac - Just the thing (stephan alkins mix)
so i went and played pool w/brad last night. ya... he kicked my ass, but i pulled out a few good shots. wOOt! the guys got a lot going on, which is good because that will create room for less boredom and more memories/life experiences. i wish i had something i just knew how to do like him. even though it kinda has made him a spot in life, that he may or may not want, at least he's got one. i don't know what i would do if a job was givin to me where i was doing something i was good at, i mean, i wouldn't pass it by... at least i hope i wouldn't. brad just don't lose touch k? cause you're one of those genuine people out there, and i would seriously ponder your whereabouts and existence if we ever lose touch.
in other news: i've entered a very pensive and self analytical stage in my life. i don't know if it's for the better or the worst, but i sure as hell hope it will make me more productive of an individual. because i believe that is one of my largest shortcomings, and i need to find a way to get over that hurdle. i don't always remember being so... detatched, and..... lazy. i used to get things done right away, i used to buzz around... now i just sortof... let things go. i don't care enough about this that and the other thing. and i don't know why. what exaclty happened that made me lose my sensitivity to caring about certain things in my life? and how can i fix it??
i really want to see a shrink. i want help understanding what happened, and what i can do to fix it. i want to fix it. i want to be how i was. i want to know what i feel. exactly what i feel. why is it so hard for me to identify my feelings? anyone else have this problem?
"i'm losing my favourite game, you're losing your mind again, i'm losing my favourite game..."
so here i sit. wasting my time. i'm so good at that. can't i get hired to sit on my ass and waste time?
fuck this. i'm gonna get off my ass and get some shit done.