November 30th, 2001


why questions

why do i even bother sometimes?
why do i even care?
why can't i just go numb and not give a shit?
why do things have to be they way they are and go the way they do?
why can't i get it thru my fucking skull that nothing's relevant?
which brings me back to
why do i even bother?

i need focus

i have all the info, but still no thesis.

why isn't it coming to me? i could totally write the paper right now, i just need the damn thesis so i have a direction.

it's all here, in my head, in my hands... but when i go to think, all my mind does is "_______" that's it, it does nothing. can't pull anything up. i want a new brain... can i return it and get a new one? one that works better please.. mine is malfunctioning...

i'm getting really frustrated... almost to the point of crying... should i go to sleep for a few hours and wake up and write it? i seem to do better at writing in the morning... but the bigger question is "will i get up?"