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dissolves instantly [userpic]

sleep sleep come to me!!!

October 29th, 2002 (12:37 am)

i've been in bed FAR too long to still be awake like this.
i think i've spent about an hour there, trying to sleep.

for some reason all my former oncology patients have been on my mind. i wonder how they're doing, if they've relapsed, maybe the cancer has metastisized, or if things are still o.k.

one of the reasons i couldn't be a nurse was because i cared too much about them. i couldn't detach myself from the patients like everyone else could. i took it all to heart, and over a period of time that would wear holes through the soul. especially in that area of care. too many coming & going. faced death regularly, and how do you deal with that? i couldn't.
maybe if i had worked in orthepedics i could have stuck with it. who knows, i sure don't want to go back, that's for sure.

this was all prompted because a coworkers family friend is dying. now i can't get all these people out of my head. sometimes i feel like i abandonded them, but i think they understand. i was told by many of the patients that i would make an excellent nurse, and i guess it's because of that that i couldn't do it. because, to me, an excellent nurse listens & cares & does what he/she can for their patient.
and that's more than i can give without feeling drained by the end of the day.
i still need me in order to be me.

i just hope that getting all this "out" will help me go to sleep. sometimes i feel like visiting, just to see who's still there, and who's moved on.
but i don't think i want to know. i would rather pretend that everyone is o.k. & right where i left them.


Posted by: Don't Sleep Till I've Had My FUEL (torque)
Posted at: October 29th, 2002 04:33 pm (UTC)

Being able to sit and listen to these people, being the caring and understanding person for them to talk to takes alot, its a piece of fresh air for people in that kind of situation, someone to be there for them. Its a full time job in its own right to be a listener, someone who will take interest in what someone wants to say, to talk about, and you have to care to be truthfully interested.
I have alot of respect for these types of nurses and like jobs, to be able to show a bright face every day, inspite of being faced with such sadness, illness and pain alot of the time.
A huge part of being a good nurse is being able to keep that smile, no matter how bad things are, or what you are faced with. Buts its a hard job to keep that smile, and to realise that you need to save some of those smiles for your life too.

Wasnt it Patch Adams who said that the best medicine was a smile?
Something like that anyway.

You would make a great nurse, you have the qualities. But I would hate to be deprived of your gorgeous smile at home because you used them all at work.


Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: October 29th, 2002 10:44 pm (UTC)
blowing kiss

thankyou love.

i miss you.

Posted by: Don't Sleep Till I've Had My FUEL (torque)
Posted at: October 30th, 2002 03:33 am (UTC)

I miss you.


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