dissolves instantly (sahrie) wrote,
dissolves instantly

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my whine session

for some reason my feeling ill lately doesn't surprise me. i think it has something to do with the amount of stress i'm going thru.

it's getting to the point where i wanna just throw my hands up in the air & say
fuck it

what's the point? i hate living with stress, and that's all school does to me, stress me out. i'm happy go lucky without it. it's not going to get me anywhere but in debt anyway. it's not like what i *ideally* want to do with my life (as far as a career goes) requires that i have any sort of formal education or schooling. you either got it or ya don't.
all continuing with school will do is give me some facilities to make use of for the few years i'll have there. then i'll be faced with the same problem, granted i'll have a stupid piece of paper, but my progress at my current job field will have been cut back, and i won't be making as much as if i just stay put.

the first two weeks of december are going to determine the direction for my life over the next few years. it's been in suspension these last few months, and i'm getting really sick of it. it's stressing me out and i'm losing my mind. i sleep too much, i don't eat and i have a hard time focusing on anything. i'm becoming depressed and my self image is disapating.

i'm stressing over nearly every aspect of my life.
i'm going to end up with cancer at this rate.
i just want to have a simple & meaningful life. i don't want to be plagued with money grubing hands & detatchment.

maybe i don't want my my photography to be work. maybe i need it as my outlet... just as Henri Cartier-Bresson had painting as his outlet from photography.
this could be the wrong path for me. i could be pushing myself for something i can have, but once achieved may have a sour taste for. i don't want that.


i need a hug from one specific person, but i can't have that hug until who knows when.
::sigh:: damn eyes have sprung a leak.

one another note: i don't like this time of the year.

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