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dissolves instantly [userpic]

hands are cold

November 14th, 2004 (02:18 pm)

current mood: indescribable

my parents’ house is FREEZING!
I always have to remember to wear extra clothes, or warmer clothes, when I come down here to visit them.
& they say my home is too hot.... but I don't notice that so much.

am I a reptile?
what's with my blood not keeping me warm? I am sure I have enough insulation, I mean, have you seen my ass?
probably not.
I'll save you from that...

I need more muscle. that's what it is. I'm sure of it. I digress....

I had a really bad dream the other night; my parents had died, and I was left with taking care of their house & finances as well as my sister. however, to complicate things, someone was trying to kill me, Andrew & my sister... but I couldn't find any of my dads’ guns.
maybe it would be a good idea for me to find out where he keeps them... & the bullets.
what good's a gun w/out the bullets?? ya sure, I could chuck it at an intruder... but what's a lump on their head gonna do?
only piss 'em off more I'm sure.
a knife would be better me thinks...

screw knifes.
I need a gun.

[how did this transition occur? talking of dreams, now I'm divulging to you my desire to own a firearm...]

at any rate, I had yet another bad dream last night, it was horrible. it's not very often that I awake from bad dreams, but the one I had last night, I actually told myself to wake up... I cannot remember it now.
is that for the better?

I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately. Lucky for me I'm not remembering most of them... or is that really so lucky? knowing that I've had them still bothers me, b/c not remembering them makes me wonder what it was that was happening that was bothering me. b/c I've had dreams about maiming people and whatnot, and not woken from those...
hmm... is it that these dreams seem more like reality? whereas the others are completely nonsensical?

doesn't matter.

I wonder what most people live life for... what am I living life for? It's not to die, b/c if it were, I would be a religious zealot... it's not really for money, or children, otherwise I would be more motivated to the possession of both... what is it for; enlightenment?
what I am going to obtain from this that is going to help me? there is something... life offers something for some reason, of which I have yet to figure out.
it will come to me; whether it be in a delusional state pre-death, or either as a highly thought out and scrutinized theory... it will come.

but right now I'm really thinking about being bad & buying that coat & boots... hmm... should I? or shouldn't I?
that is .... the question....?


Posted by: Anthony (yourmindshifts)
Posted at: November 14th, 2004 05:26 pm (UTC)

I personally believe the meaning of life to be:
Find whatever makes you truly happy and do as much it as you can, while helping other people reach their goals.

I also strive to keep growing, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically (health), socially, and even financially.

And since you'll never finish growing, you'll never get bored with life, you just branch off in new directions and endeavors.

When new people come into your life, it makes it easier to check them against your goals...do they unnecessarily hinder me or do they help me along the journey?

Posted by: dissolves instantly (sahrie)
Posted at: November 14th, 2004 06:09 pm (UTC)

that's all part of it... but I think there's even more than what you've stated... there's an actual awareness that needs to be attained, but what the awareness needs to be of, I have yet to understand.
what you've outlined above, I believe subscribes to awareness of self and society, but there's more.... philosophically speaking.

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