At times I think I know what I want & how I am going to go about getting it, but when it boils down to the nitty gritty... do I really want it? Because I don't seem to actively try and obtain it. I tend to let things come to me. If I want something, I won't push it away if it heads my way, but I won't go after it.
Lots of times I want too much...
I say I don't want a relationship, so if that's the case why am I dating people? Why bother?
I don't think I'll ever get married. Too many things about me that I don't like when I'm "involved", or that people want to change about me. This is how it is, c'est la vie.
I think about all the people I know. Then I think about which ones are true friends. I can come down to about three... and they are all girls. This is ironic because I generally don't start conversation with girls unless I really like them.
I understand that women's greatest power is sex. I won't deny, I have used this tool. (maybe a little more than I should)
If you are a guy that is a "friend" of mine I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I honestly believe that there are NO guys out there that are interested in being "just friends" with me, and I don't mean you all want a "relationship" but you can't say that you haven't imagined what I look like naked, or how sex would be with me. (i'm not saying this discredits your interest in me as a person, I'm just pointing out that if things were "different" you all probably wouldn't mind) However, I understand that a lot of this is my fault. I am very sexual and flirty... which are things that I could control if I wanted. (and by the way I phrased that last sentence it looks as though I won't be)
None of this bugs me. It's just my madd rantings. Things I have been thinking about lately.
I'm slightly frustrated with myself, because I don't want to hurt anyone that genuinely cares about me and my well being.
This post isn't intended to make anyone mad or hurt anyone's feelings.
I sincerely care about everyone I know & that is involved in my life right now... perhaps this is why I have been thinking of these things lately... I don't want to hurt anyone.
I feel hesitation on whether or not to post this.... shit, what the hell